Laura Dern and Diane Ladd make the case for having difficult conversations with mothers

CNN
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Like Laura Dern and Diane Ladd headed to Adelaide Drive in Santa Monica during one of the many walks-and-talks described in their recent joint memoir “Honey, Baby, Mine,” it was immediately apparent by Ladd where Dern took him. Knowing the pain ahead, she tried to turn her daughter around by throwing excuses about the weather and the other, but Dern did not fall for it.

“Is this the house?” asked his daughter.

“Yes, Laura. This is one,” Ladd said.

The home, Ladd said, she and her ex-husband, actor Bruce Dern, moved to in search of a fresh start after their first child, Diane Elizabeth, died in a plight. death like a child. That’s where they brought baby Laura Elizabeth Dern home after giving birth. This is also the family that ended their marriage.

Ladd was reminded of divorce and sadness when he saw the house, and he tried to avoid doing it – until this particular day, through gentle conversation, he changed it again. two memories like clay. Dern challenged her mother to think instead, “I became a mother in that family” and reminded her that this family gave her strength as she rebuilt her life and overcame her grief. .

This is one of the most touching moments in “Honey, Baby, Mine” and one of the most beautiful memories I have ever read. It left me sitting on my bed sobbing – an unexpected result of reading a memoir written by a famous mother-daughter Hollywood duo, who managed to sail alone with their team but instead of using their book to push into emotional space. parent-child pairs are rarely at odds with each other.

They went deeper to learn and discuss more about their lineage in a new way part Ancestry’s YouTube series “uncommon.” When CNN spoke with Dern and Ladd earlier this month, Ladd shared that difficult conversations — like the one on Adelaide Drive — were released.

“If you can take your pain and not return it as a pain or something, instead of using it to study, to make the path clearer for yourself and others, then you will win,” the said Ladd during our interview. “So the book taught us all. As we walked, as we breathed the air, we breathed in our own lessons. That’s what we humans do.”

Ladd wrote that Dern helped her find that forgiveness within herself and the understanding and peace of mind she deserves.

And while Ladd was able to regain his strength that day when he bravely spoke to Dern about Diane Elizabeth, who shares Dern’s middle name, the conversation took on a deeper meaning when they have discovered the full scope of Dern’s name, a moment revealed. in the episode released on Wednesday.

They learned that Dern also had the same name as Ladd’s mother, Laura Prudence Smith Ladner, who Ladd had just learned was Prudence. Ladd and Dern were surprised by this twist of fate in the episode, and the realization seemed to be an emotional moment for the pair.

According to Ladd, this discovery helped him realize that knowledge is very important and that it “guides us more powerfully than we can imagine.”

Almost four years ago, Ladd got it with a lung disease called idiopathic pulmonary fibrosis, a disease that occurs when the lung tissue is damaged, according to the Mayo Clinic. He was told he had six months to live but that walking could help him regain his strength. Dern and Ladd recorded their conversations on these walks and published the recordings, along with thoughts, photos and recipes, in “Honey, Baby, Mine.”

These conversations Dern had with her mother, detailed in the book, helped her shape how to connect with her own children, Jaya and Ellery, who she shares with her ex-husband. the music of Ben Harper.

“We don’t want to offend our parents and I think the same goes for a parent, you know, don’t bring anything that you think might harm the child,” Dern said, adding He was inspired not only to dig deep with her. children, but also eat up and ask about their “favorite color, favorite flower, what you think will be obvious.” Things, he knew, he didn’t even know about Ladd.

Ladd and Dern are both known to many.

Ladd is a beloved Hollywood veteran who starred in movies like 1974’s “Alice Doesn’t Live Here Anymore” and 1990’s “Wild at Heart,” and Dern is known for it. Oscar-winning role in 2020’s “Marriage Story” and for appearing in the HBO drama “Big Little Lies,” among many other notable credits. Together, they made history in 1992 when they received two mother-daughter Oscar nominations for their performances in “Rambling Rose.”

But even with the public, Dern admitted during our interview that “we don’t know all the people around us.”

It’s a simple statement and it’s hard to swallow when you realize it might be true in your own life. In fact, right after our interview I called my mom to find out what her favorite color was. (It’s blue.)

There were many thought provoking moments as I read “Honey, Baby, Mine,” including a chapter charged with unresolved conflict.

“There’s one or two things we’re still mad about,” Ladd told me with a laugh.

“Or the anger just comes back up, but that’s what makes it fun,” Dern added, without elaborating. One can only guess, however, that they might be referring to the time Ladd took Dern’s 5-year-old son Ellery for a haircut without asking if Dern was okay with the goodbye. to her long locks, something Dern admitted in her book. “still angry” about.

Their discussion about Ellery’s haircut did not reach a conclusion, but Ladd said that he had lost his temper and wanted to go home.

“Good. Me too,” replied Dern.

It’s the kind of conversation-ender we’ve all had with someone we love at some point, and it keeps me up at night with guilt and anxiety. But here’s what makes this so beautiful: Even though Ladd and Dern face the reality of Ladd’s mortality in these walks, they aren’t afraid to rehash an old feud fueled by hurt feelings. in each other’s actions and left the conflict unresolved.

“We just decided that was it and accepted it,” Ladd said of working at odds with Dern. “I’m not going to win this. He will not win this. Just respect each other and let it go. And now we just go and love each other. Hug, hug, hug, kiss, kiss, kiss.”

hug, hug Kiss, kiss. It sounds simple. But in practice, it takes courage. Throughout the process of reading their book and talking with the pair, I was reminded of how grateful I am to share such a relationship with my own mother.

Their commitment to strengthen their understanding of each other, in whatever time is left, inspires me. I asked my mom some questions recently. There are a lot of things I don’t know and maybe I should, including the hard stuff. As Ladd and Dern teach, you can come out of that conversation with a new peace.

Or not. And it doesn’t matter either.